why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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