singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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