At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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