so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
