i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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