I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
