Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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