i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
