he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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