Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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