i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
