So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
