Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
