Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
