Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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