I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
