he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
