my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
