I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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