Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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