the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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