NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
