he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
