Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
