Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
