You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I miss vodka workout Fridays
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
