There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
