i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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