??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
