I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can I color on your dick again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
