oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
