He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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