dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
