Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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