am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
