A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
