She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize