So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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