so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
as a side note pls kill me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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