pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
