So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
