we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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