Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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