I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
