Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
