i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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