True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
