My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
