Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
