how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sacagawea was the original milf.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
