Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
