yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
