So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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