I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
