Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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