The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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