My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize