My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
