Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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