I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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