ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
