Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
