i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
