He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
