Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize