I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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