im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
